David J.
Danto
Business travel
thoughts in my own, personal opinion
eMail: ddanto@IMCCA.org 
Follow Industry News: @NJDavidD
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Stale Bread And Circuses
“Anyone who’s flown on a US
commercial airline in coach recently knows flying nowadays sucks.” Service is bad, seats are
tiny, planes are packed – I don’t have to list the complaints here again –
people who regularly read my blogs (or who fly) already know what they
are. What can one do? If moving out of the country or flying less
are not options for you, it’s pretty much a case of needing to grin and bear
it. That’s what I do – with the tiny
exception of blogging and tweeting about the insanity I come across. This is in the hope that the exposure will
embarrass the current greedy management of US airlines into doing something
about the problems. So far, they’ve
shown themselves to be un-embarrass-able, but there’s always hope. This is one of those blogs. A story of how passengers attempt to keep
themselves occupied as they tolerate what passes for airline service. Yes, it’s another story about the state of
in-fight-entertainment. Before I get
into that however, let’s examine what a passenger’s experience is as they prepare
to board their flight.
My
flight this week began with the typical United lead-up. Unable to use a “confirmable” regional
upgrade certificate on a coast to coast 777 flight that had an empty Business
Class cabin when I booked it, watching all the seats be sold out from under me,
ending-up as eighth on a waiting list that never clears, etc. I arrived at Newark airport over two hours
before the flight – always leaving time for the worst experience, not praying
for the best. I was very lucky to have
had the extra time.
The
TSA Pre-Check line was out of control.
The line – which usually has an entrance at the C2 security area and
wraps around between C2 and C1 – had so many people in it that it snaked all
the way over to what used to be the C3 security area, and then wrapped around
again four times.
There
were no TSA or United people directing the mob.
Some passengers tried to maintain an orderly serpentine, others just cut
the line. It was an hour long wait to
get to the security checkpoint for no reason I could detect – other than there not
being enough Pre-check lanes. Once I
was finally through, there was no club to use near my gate for reasons I have
discussed before, so I had to decide if I wanted to schlep to the pop-up
club or the overcrowded and dated club – both equally as far from my gate as
was conceivably possible. I picked the
pop-up, and was treated to a lovely breakfast of hospital orange juice,
plastic-wrapped stale bagels and granola bars.
You
may ask why I didn’t just buy a breakfast at a vendor near my gate. The answer is because I already paid to get
it at the clubs – a service that is clearly not being delivered. I refuse to pay for it twice.
When
I boarded the aircraft – a 777-200A (#2513) – I was astonished to see that the
Business Class seats had the typical on-demand entertainment systems, but the coach
seats had….wait for it….nothing. I
understand (but don’t agree with) the smaller domestic planes being built
without an IFE system, but a 777 – flying United’s premium service? Each seat had a spring-loaded mechanism for
holding a personal device.
How
an aircraft with this capacity and range can be purchased with an IFE system
for Business but nothing in coach is beyond me.
If they already put it in what is the point of saving the money on the
seats? The United line is that they
offer “personal device entertainment” where passengers can watch moves over
their free WiFi system. Ok, I’ll get
back to that.
The
safety briefing was just surreal. The
standard, hokey video was played, which everyone in business could see, but no
one in coach could see, so the FAs just acted out the actions that attempted to
parallel the actions on the videos.
I’ve
never seen anything like that on a flight before. The FAs try to dance to the music, smile when
the actors speak, pantomime the usual demonstrations. There’s a first for everything I supposed. Then, unbelievably, the FAs walked through
the aisle offering United’s free earbud headphones to anyone who wanted
them. Huh? They’re offering headphones to be used…..in
the non-existent IFE system? I still
don’t get that one. The only explanation
could be for people to use with their personal devices if they didn’t bring
their own headphones, but that’s really a stretch.
So
after all that, in an attempt to forget about the security nightmare, the club
insult, the un-cleared “confirmable” upgrade, the tiny slim-line seat, and the
building aggravation of all of the poor treatment, I open up my tablet and
connect to the WiFi system. The
selection of “Personal Screening” movies is very poor – no new releases or
things I would watch that I haven’t already seen. I make a selection, and…….nothing. The WiFi system on the plane is broken and
can’t be reset – it’s just dead. (If the
United aircraft were maintained as poorly as their WiFi systems the wings and
engines would be falling-off multiple times a day.)
I
carry a few movies with me on a flash disk, and have plenty of work to do, so I
can keep myself entertained, but for many of the 300+ other coach passengers it
was likely a long boring flight. The
FA’s announced that all the passengers would be entitled to some form of
compensation if they went to the United website. For me, I received a $150 travel certificate,
but I’m sure the offer varied by elite level, and was received only if the
passengers bothered to actually go to the website they were told about.
So
the bread in this case was stale bagels and Kashi bars, and the circuses were
dancing FAs and a non-existent IFE. I
suspect none of that will hold back the eventual revolution.
This article was written by David Danto and
contains solely his own, personal opinions.
All image and links provided above as reference under
prevailing fair use statutes.