David J.
Danto
Business travel
thoughts in my own, personal opinion
eMail: ddanto@IMCCA.org Follow Industry News: @NJDavidD
More Airlines And Restaurants
In 2015 I wrote a blog titled “If airlines were
restaurants.” It was a riff off of the humorous piece “If
Airlines Sold Paint” that has been floating around the industry for many
years. The US airline industry has
operated in such a backwards and customer-unfriendly manner for so long that it
is easy to compare it to normal parts of life and show how nothing they do
makes sense.
Today I have a corollary to that
story of airlines and restaurants. This
comparison does not report on a new situation in the industry, but it is the
first time I’ve participated in this particular gamble, so I figured it was fair game for me.
This is all based on the complex and crazy schemes that
United makes its travelers go through to get an international upgrade. If one wants to upgrade from coach one has to
spend miles and give cash in advance –even if there is no upgrade
available. That’s correct – they charge
you in advance for something they aren’t giving you and may never give you,
then make you wait for a refund if you didn’t get it. I tried to find a link that explains this in
simple terms for non-United travelers, but (as should be no surprise) I couldn’t
find one.
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Customer: What’s on the dinner menu this
evening?
Restaurant: We have a very nice turkey
sandwich with chips for $39, and we have full roast turkey dinner for
$3,000.
Customer: Wow, really – that’s it? Just those two choices, and a $2,961
difference between the two? That’s a
pretty steep cost for a meal that doesn’t seem like it’s that much better.
Restaurant: Our restaurant believes that our
premium meals are worth every penny of the cost. The chairs are more comfortable, the tables
are roomier, and the related services are well worth the cost.
Customer: I’m sorry, it’s just too much
for me to pay. Don’t you have any
options between the two?
Restaurant: Well, we could let you buy the
sandwich and submit a request to upgrade to the full dinner.
Customer: How does that work?
Restaurant: First you have to buy the
sandwich weeks or months in advance. We
won’t even discuss an upgrade with you unless we see you’re “serious” about
eating at our restaurant regardless of what’s on the menu. Then we charge you another $500 to be put on
the waitlist for the full dinner. We
hold that money and do whatever we want to do with it until a day or two before
the day of your reservation. At that
time, if we have any full dinners left over that people haven’t paid the full
$3,000 for, we’ll let you have it for the $500.
Customer: So I’ll know a couple of days
before my reservation if I’m going to get the full dinner?
Restaurant: Well, you may know, but it’s not
likely. We may wait till you’re actually
in our restaurant at one of the sandwich benches before we let you know if we
are able to upgrade you to a full dinner.
Customer: So I won’t even know what meal
to prepare for when I’m on my way to the restaurant?
Restaurant: I’m sorry, no – we don’t make
any promises until right up until dinner time.
Customer: If I don’t get the full dinner
do I get my money back?
Restaurant: Of course. We should process a refund of your upgrade fee
within 30-45 days of your reservation.
Customer: Wait a minute. You need to hold my money for a month or two
before my reservation, not let me know if I can have the full dinner until my
actual reservation time, and then, if you didn’t give me the full dinner, you
still get a month or two to give me the money back? That means you’re keeping my money for up to
four months? What are you doing with it?
Restaurant: All sorts of things - investing
it, collecting interest, buying restaurant supplies, etc. We don’t give you your money back till some
other customers have bought the upgrade option for their sandwich, then we pay
you back with their money.
Customer: That whole thing seems like an
overly complex and unfair scheme to get a full dinner. Isn’t there anything else I can do that’s more simple?
Restaurant: Of course there is. You can pay us the $3,000 today to get a
guaranteed full dinner right now, and if you don’t want to spend what we say
it’s worth then you can get a guaranteed turkey sandwich for $45 right
now.
Customer: $45? You said it was $39?
Restaurant: I did, but in the time we spent
talking about it all of the $39 sandwiches were purchased so only the $45
sandwiches are now available.
Customer: Is the $45 one better than the
$39 one?
Restaurant: No, they’re exactly the same,
it’s just that we only sell a few of them at the lowest price. If we see people actually want to buy them
then we raise the price as much as we like. In fact, it’s now $50.
Customer: Now I’ve lost my appetite.
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As I write this blog I’m hearing
that the US TSA has kicked the can down the road some more, extending
the mask mandate on airlines until at least May 3rd. Honestly, COVID19 is still raging, and we
should all be wearing masks indoors and taking many other precautions, so this
is a good thing. Stay safe out there!
This article was written by David Danto and contains solely his own, personal
opinions.
All image and links provided above as reference under
prevailing fair use statutes.
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As always, feel free to write and comment, question or
disagree. Hearing from the traveling
community is always a highlight for me.
Thanks!