David J.  Danto

 

Travel thoughts in my own, personal opinion

 

eMail: ddanto@IMCCA.org      Follow Industry News: @NJDavidD on              

 

When “Great News” Means “Brace Yourself” - June 2025

 

As most of my readers know I’ve been flying United Airlines for decades.  And over those years, I’ve developed a sixth sense for interpreting airline communication – especially the kind that comes wrapped in corporate optimism.  It’s a survival skill, really.  Because more often than not, when an airline tells you something is “exciting” or “customer-focused,” it usually means something is being taken away or made worse.  It’s like a magician saying “watch closely” right before your wallet disappears.

So when I received an email from United the other day, brimming with cheer about how wonderful things are at Newark Airport, I felt that familiar pang of suspicion.

Dear David,

I wanted to provide an update on how our airline is operating and keep you informed about United's summer schedule since you travel through Newark Liberty International Airport frequently.

With the second runway now open at Newark, our team is working around the clock and delivering the best on‑time performance among New York‑area airports, including John F.  Kennedy International and LaGuardia.  In fact, Newark is the most on‑time of the largest 15 airports in the U.S.*

Also, we just published our complete schedule through September 1 — check it out on united.com or the United® app.  Whether you're planning a trip or have one scheduled, you can confidently book with United because our schedule is set and our airline has never operated with greater efficiency.

And if you're flying in United Polaris business class from Newark, you'll also get a chance to see our beautiful, newly expanded United Polaris lounge dining room coming soon to Terminal C.

Thank you for choosing to fly with us! I look forward to seeing you soon. 

Now, United emails me all the time.  Most of the time, it’s transactional – boarding passes, reminders, or the occasional rebranding of a downgrade as a "benefit enhancement." But this one stood out because it was so…proud.  Like they’d just discovered customer service and wanted to shout it from the jet bridge.

And that’s always a red flag.

I’ve covered the subject of US airlines lying in many prior blogs (like this one.)  When an airline says “We’re making changes to better serve you,” it usually means “We’re cutting something you liked, but marketing told us to act excited about it.” When they say “In response to customer feedback,” it means “We did whatever we wanted, but figured we’d blame it on you.” And when they claim “We’re investing in your experience,” it’s often code for “We just figured out a new way to make money off you.”

So when United sends me a note to tell me how fantastic things are at Newark, my immediate translation is: “Brace yourself.”

If United says everything is ‘wonderful’ at Newark, I can only assume it means:

Let’s be honest – Newark hasn’t exactly been a model of efficiency, comfort, or reliability.  It’s the airport version of that coworker who shows up late, interrupts meetings, and still somehow gets promoted.  We’ve all waited in line to take off hours because of “weather” that looks suspiciously like sunshine.  We’ve sprinted through terminals with broken moving walkways only to arrive at a gate that just changed five minutes ago.  We’ve experienced the thrill of boarding a flight that, on paper, still has a departure time that is never going to happen.  When United says things are ‘wonderful’ because they’re merely back to Newark’s version of normal, it’s so outlandish that it makes fairy tales seem like hard news in comparison.

What’s even more telling is that when United actually participates in a real improvement – like the legitimately better (and almost shockingly functional) new Terminal A that opened at Newark a couple of years ago – I didn’t get a peep from them.  No email, no confetti.  Nothing.  So when they do reach out unprompted to say something is amazing, it usually means the opposite.  The logic is clear: silence means they actually fixed something.  Noise means they want you to believe they did.

It would be nice to think that someday, U.S. airlines would talk to their customers like grown-ups – with honesty, without spin, and maybe even with a dash of humility – to admit when something’s broken, celebrate when it’s truly improved, and stop spinning minor adjustments as heroic breakthroughs.  But after years of flying and decoding this corporate dialect, I doubt that’s going to happen in my lifetime.

Until then, I’ll keep translating.

Because when an airline tells us things are looking up, we should all instinctively duck.

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This article was written by David Danto and contains solely his own, personal opinions.

All image and links provided above as reference under prevailing fair use statutes.

Copyright 2025 David Danto

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As always, feel free to write and comment, question or disagree.  Hearing from the traveling community is always a highlight for me.  Thanks!