thoughts in my own, personal opinion
eMail: ddanto@IMCCA.org Follow Industry News: @NJDavidD
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Travel Industry to English Dictionary”
Sometimes the best ideas come
Joe, let’s do this, but let’s ‘Crowdsource’ it.
Here’s the compiled list.
Everyone should feel free to email me their own gems and I’ll add them
As Requested = What You'd Hate
Authentic Local = Crappy Experience
Basic = Be Treated Like Cattle
Basic Economy = What We Used To Charge For Coach Before We Raised That Price
Choice = You Now Pay For What Once Was Free
Cozy = Unbearably Small
Enhancement = Major Program Take-Away
FAA Regulations Require = Our Management Is Making
This Stuff Up But They Want You To Respect It
Fifteen Minute Delay = Three Hour Delay We Plan On
Breaking To You In Fifteen Minute Increments
For Your Convenience = This Will Cost You More
Fuel Surcharge = We Can’t
Believe We’re Still Getting Away With Charging You This
Intimate = Cramped
Introduce Value Awards = Raise Redemption Levels
Last Minute Paperwork = Flight Plan Just Went
FUBAR – Here Comes A Delay
Not a Reduction = We're Ripping You Off
Playful = Thoroughly Confusing
Pre-Board = Boarding Has Started For The Disabled And Passengers We Don’t Want To Piss-Off
Remain Competitive = Cheapen The
Resort Fee = We Felt Like Charging More For No Reason And Got Away With It
“We Appreciate Customer Loyalty” = We Wouldn’t “piss on them if they were on fire” (see
Bette Davis quote here)
“We live by the golden rule, it is in our DNA” = We charge resort fees, destination fees, 12.5% “optional
gratuities” and default to DCC (dynamic currency conversion)
Additional entries from our readers
(keep them coming, I’ll keep updating):
Thank you for your patience = We
know we exhausted your patience hours ago, but we’re intimidating you into not
lashing out at us.
We apologize for the delay, but the flight crew is
coming over from another incoming flight. = They overslept or had too much to
drink, and we’re waiting for their blood alcohol levels to drop to acceptable
Is there a doctor on board? = It really doesn’t
matter because our medical kit has just about nothing useful in it.
There is limited bin space on board. = After all
these years of people bringing steamer trunks on board, Boeing and Airbus are
still not making equipment that can accommodate them.
We’re Being Green = We’re stopping doing things
you like that cost us money (like extra towels, individual soap bars, etc.)
because saying “being green” sounds so much better than “being cheap”.
Thank you for your loyalty. = We’re just saying
that. You can be loyal to our frequent flyer program, but we give you nothing
This article was written by David Danto and
contains solely his own, personal opinions.
All image and links provided above as reference under
prevailing fair use statutes.