David J. Danto

Business travel thoughts in my own, personal opinion

eMail: ddanto@IMCCA.org Follow Industry News: @NJDavidD

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“The Travel Industry to English Dictionary”

Sometimes the best ideas come from Twitter:

“OK Joe, let’s do this, but let’s ‘Crowdsource’ it. Here’s the compiled list. Everyone should feel free to email me their own gems and I’ll add them to it.”

As Requested = What You'd Hate

Authentic Local = Crappy Experience

Basic = Be Treated Like Cattle

Basic Economy = What We Used To Charge For Coach Before We Raised That Price

Choice = You Now Pay For What Once Was Free

Cozy = Unbearably Small

Enhancement = Major Program Take-Away

FAA Regulations Require = Our Management Is Making This Stuff Up But They Want You To Respect It

Fifteen Minute Delay = Three Hour Delay We Plan On Breaking To You In Fifteen Minute Increments

For Your Convenience = This Will Cost You More

Fuel Surcharge = We Can’t Believe We’re Still Getting Away With Charging You This

Intimate = Cramped

Introduce Value Awards = Raise Redemption Levels

Last Minute Paperwork = Flight Plan Just Went FUBAR – Here Comes A Delay

Not a Reduction = We're Ripping You Off

Playful = Thoroughly Confusing

Pre-Board = Boarding Has Started For The Disabled And Passengers We Don’t Want To Piss-Off

Remain Competitive = Cheapen The Product

Resort Fee = We Felt Like Charging More For No Reason And Got Away With It

Simplify = Gut The Program To Make More Money And Screw The Customers

“We Appreciate Customer Loyalty” = We Wouldn’t “piss on them if they were on fire” (see Bette Davis quote here)

“We live by the golden rule, it is in our DNA” = We charge resort fees, destination fees, 12.5% “optional gratuities” and default to DCC (dynamic currency conversion)

Additional entries from our readers (keep them coming, I’ll keep updating):

Thank you for your patience = We know we exhausted your patience hours ago, but we’re intimidating you into not lashing out at us.

We apologize for the delay, but the flight crew is coming over from another incoming flight. = They overslept or had too much to drink, and we’re waiting for their blood alcohol levels to drop to acceptable levels.

Is there a doctor on board? = It really doesn’t matter because our medical kit has just about nothing useful in it.

There is limited bin space on board. = After all these years of people bringing steamer trunks on board, Boeing and Airbus are still not making equipment that can accommodate them.

We’re Being Green = We’re stopping doing things you like that cost us money (like extra towels, individual soap bars, etc.) because saying “being green” sounds so much better than “being cheap”.

Thank you for your loyalty. = We’re just saying that. You can be loyal to our frequent flyer program, but we give you nothing in return.

This article was written by David Danto and contains solely his own, personal opinions.

All image and links provided above as reference under prevailing fair use statutes.